Cutting

 I let blood flow to ease my pain

The hurt is let go, released through veins

All the dark secrets I keep inside

Are tired of bleeding and trying to hide

But who will free me from needing to cut

They don’t hear me screaming, so I give up

Nobody listens and nobody cares

I just get demeaning, empty, blank stares

Is my heart still beating or lagging instead

Outside I’m alive, but inside I’m dead

Shame’s cloaked by a smile, scars covered with clothes

And I’ll keep pretending so nobody knows

Show Me Your Way

Show me Your way. Give me a sign. Tell me what to do. Lead me to where You will be mine and I can understand how You could be so great and so mighty and yet still be concerned

about one as insignificant as I. How could You be so perfect and so gracious to extend Your hand to a man with blemish and spot? All I’ve got You already have. There is nothing more I can give only to live as You command. So show me Your plan. I just want to do Your will, and yet still, here I am. I don’t understand how you could be so patient and kind. In You, I find a friend true as can be loving me, and reaching out His hand to take mine. By design, I will be all I can be. You made me exactly as you had planned. You’ve given me all I’ll ever need. In You I’m free to stand here and sing with all of my being of the joy that You bring and the love from above given fully to me unconditionally, without strings requesting only one small, simple  offering: to believe, just believe only believe.

Now here I stand. Please won’t You take my hand? Lead me to the promised land. I know only You can. I don’t have to understand, just believe. You have given to me life everlasting tremendous joy abounding, the strength to face my moments of need. Never concede, only believe.

You will show me Your plan. In due time I will understand. For now, I’ll just hold Your hand

and together we’ll stand. You’ll take me to the place where I’ll see Your face and feel heaven’s grace. This is only a taste of better things to come. There will be more to come if I will draw closer to You. That’s what You’ve told me to do to see what is true and have life anew. If I will just trust in You, put my faith in You, and believe in You, then You will show me Your way.

Then I will see the sign. Then I will know I am Yours and You are mine.

Laying My Life Down

Here I am once again

Laying my life down before you

And I mean it as much now as I did back then

I’m laying my life down again

And maybe it won’t take as long

Before I get to this point next time

But I forget in the daily busyness of life

That I’m supposed to live down on my knees

And I need to be reminded

I get brought back down to my knees again

And it usually comes with needing

to beg for forgiveness

Somehow, I forget my own weakness

I seem to think that I’m strong

I quickly find that I’m wrong

And still I struggle forever

Hoping I can get along

Why is it so hard for me to admit that I failed?

I know you can see when I’ve fallen

And I suddenly find myself on my knees

And I’m laying my life down again

Every Time I Want to Cry

Every time I Want to Cry

I hear your voice ring inside my head

Telling me everything will be okay

There’s no need to get upset or worried

Just calm down and enjoy the ride

Your presence still abides with me

Every time I want to cry

Even though you may be far away

My heart will always keep you close

No amount of distance can separate us

Beyond the miles I feel your warmth

I dwell upon our last embrace

Every time I want to cry

You bring me hope and reassurance

That I will still be loved in my weakness

I may feel worthless and undeserving

But you remind me that no one’s perfect

And I don’t need to hid in shame

Every time I want to cry

It’s a natural reaction to disappointment

But I let myself down continuously

With impossibly high standards and expectations

So you simply ho9ld me and show me you care

And it lifts me up

Every time I want to cry

I Couldn't

I couldn’t know You for knowing about You

I couldn’t feel You for learning the facts

I couldn’t love You for concern over my behavior

I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I can’t

I can’t replace relationship with religion

I can’t substitute submission with sacrifice

I can’t erase empathy with evasion

I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I can’t