Short-sighted

I can’t see You for looking, my vision is so short-sighted

Forgive me for returning, to the place where I first decided to seek You

I should be so much further by now, but it’s hard to improve while circling around

From here to there seems like a straight line, if I kept going forward I’d be doing fine

But I can’t see You for looking, my vision is so short-sighted

Forgive me for returning, to the place where I first decided

To seek You, with my whole heart

I want to do what You have for me, but I’m frightened by the possibility

Of losing my way, of falling behind, of beginning again from where I started last time

For I can’t see You for looking, my vision is so short-sighted

Forgive me for returning, to the place where I first decided

To seek You, with my whole heart, I come right back to, the place where I start

And how do I move on from here, and leave behind the familiar

How do I stretch and learn and grow, if I won’t reach beyond what I know

When I can’t see You for looking, my vision is so short-sighted

Forgive me for returning, to the place where I first decided

To seek You, with my whole heart, I run back to, the place where I start

When I can’t see You, for looking, my vision is so short-sighted

Sojourn

All we have is the journey. There is no destination.

No More

No more will the fear and the shame get the best of me.

No more will the heartache and pain get the rest of me.

No more of the doubt and confusion.

I know they are only illusion.

I will give in, no more.

No more of the sorrow and grief.

No more, I will only believe.

No more of the shadows today making me run away.

I will stand. I will give in, no more.

No more will the words of mere men be what’s in control.

No more will I follow the trend to sell out my soul.

No more of their praise am I seeking.

I know they are only deceiving.

I will give in, no more

No more will I settle for empty and hollow.

No more of this dying world will I follow.

For You are eternal and have much better ways

stored up for me in Your plans.

All I have is surrender and simple belief

That you’re guiding my circumstance.

And it’s not by my own strength,

But it’s leaving all things in Your hands.

So there is no more

No more doubt and confusion.

I know they are only illusion.

And I will give in, no more.

Notes to Self

Give my utmost for His highest.

Stay open to whatever God has for me.

I am called to a life of excellence.

Have every confidence in Him whose hands hold me.

Prepare the way of the Lord.

Prayer makes the ordinary extraordinary.

Keep a humble heart and a seeking spirit.

God longs to do exceedingly beyond my expectations.

Heal properly so I can dance again.

Start living like a winner and become what you practice.

Start living intentionally the life God has for you.

Never return to business as usual.

Stay focused on the Lord and draw close to Him.

All strength comes from the Spirit who gives life.

Be responsive to God in the little things,

And learn to recognize His voice.

Worldly pleasures will never be

An adequate substitute for righteous joy.

I need to forget about the outcome and get on purpose.

He who knows what to do and doesn’t do it

deceives himself.

You are a good God!

You are bigger than all of my fears.

What would I be willing to risk if I were not afraid?

You have created me exactly as You would have me.

Let Your Spirit flow through me.

May I become all You have for me to be.

True Light

When your life is the darkest and you see no light at all

Where will you turn? On whom will you call?

Will you dig yourself deeper into the pit of despair?

Will you call on friends who vanish

like a wisp of smoke in air?

If people disappoint you as people often do

not by their intention but because they’re people too

maybe you should seek the One

who will never let you down

He’s the only one able to turn your life around

So the next time you’re left wandering

lost in the darkest night

open your heart to Jesus

He’s the world’s only true light.

John 10:10

Liar – You lied to me. You told me they would hate me and I believed you. And, therefore, I perceived what I believed, and I knew they would hate me. My world is what I created it to be. I have to take responsibility.

I behaved according to what I believed, and I pushed them away. You said they’d only hurt me if I let them stay. So I built a wall around me where I could hide. And it left me cold and empty deep inside. Lost in isolation in my self-imposed prison, my fear hurt me worse than anything else could. 

So I just labeled myself “misunderstood”, and I tried to rationalize. And I blamed everyone else that I could find, but it was all in my mind. You lied to me, and I believed you. But I’m not a defenseless child anymore.

I don’t have to sit and take it like before. It might have taken me forever, but I learned of your endeavors to destroy. I discovered your plan. Now I will not be so easily deceived. You can lie to me. I won’t believe you.

Truth – You died for me. You told me that You loved me and I believed You. But I didn’t understand what Your love could do. I thought it meant I’d be good at following the rules, and then You would approve. 

I couldn’t see how life was to be lived. I wouldn’t take the gift You freely give. I wanted to earn it. I thought I could deserve it. But there was never enough good that I could do. My best intentions would always fall through. And I wouldn’t forgive myself for having failed.

So I lowered my expectations. I took whatever life threw at me. Still You loved me, and I believed You. But what good does it do me if it doesn’t make me worthy of Your love?

Teach me how to receive Your mercy today. So I can then in turn give it away. Let me live to be a blessing. Show me how to be dispensing peace and grace.

Only in humility, can Your love flow through me and be lived out sacrificially when I obey. Your love was never about deserving it anyway.

Now I understand the life You’ve given me is to be expressed joyfully. That’s why You died for me. And I simply need only to believe.    

Time as a Child

Skipping merrily through tall blades of grass

Showering in the sprinkler’s wetness

Gliding along lakes of shimmering glass

Giggling gaily in mid-summer bliss

Jumping into piles of freshly raked leaves

Jogging for miles when the school bus is missed

Saying your prayers late at night on your knees

Sleeping already as your cheek is kissed

Going faster and faster while sledding

Guiding your blades on the lake that’s now ice

Jesting with snowballs, aid and abetting

Joking about how the rain sure is nice

Seeing the first flowers of the season

So the year goes by without reason

Paranoid

His eyes follow me

As I walk past

I feel him watching

Waiting to see my path

I pause to read the schedule

He appears directly behind me

Materializing out of nowhere

Uncomfortably

Close and leaning in

There’s no escape

Nowhere to turn

His rancid breath upon my skin

The bus tarries

My pulse quickens

I’m visibly disturbed

I somehow slink away

But he follows

At my heals

Like a shadow

There is no way to shake

My paranoia 

The Trial is a Test

I can see you there, standing over me

Preparing to teach, some responsibility

I can hear you say, this is what it’s come down to

And it’s gonna hurt, me more than it hurts you

Receiving discipline, from a loving hand

Seems like unnecessary, suffering at first glance

But to the well-trained eye, the trial is a test

For developing, to help me be my best

And I know you’ll never give more than I can take

But my strong will needs to break

I sob crocodile tears, trying to make you feel bad

Then I resort to desperation, begging please don’t hurt me Dad

But you’ve seen it all before, you know all of my tricks

And you know without the pain, the lesson never sticks

The value may not be clear, the first time around

And for all my blubbering, it seems like I’m going down

But to the well-trained eye, the trial is a test

For developing, to help me be my best

And I know you’ll never give more than I can take

But my strong will needs to break

So don’t despise chastisement, don’t try to run away

Only surrender, it’ll make you better, than you were yesterday

So when you don’t get the point, and when you don’t understand

That’s when you remember, you don’t have it all together, but God still has a plan

And to the well-trained eye, the trial is a test

For developing, to help you be your best

And you know He’ll never give more than you can take

But your strong will needs to break

Dickinson Spinning

Be the worm

Eat the apple

Without hesitation or delay

Be the bird

Eat the worm

Never care who may be watching

Never notice your effect

Be the cat

Eat the bird –