Ashes in a Cage

I’m trying to escape
There’s not much more I can take
before I melt away
Still the heat gets turned up higher
and I fall into the fire
And everything I hold onto is burned away
Yet somehow I survive
How can I still be alive?
I can hardly take the pain
Disfigured and severely scarred
horribly – permanently marred
with no one else to blame
But everyone can see the stains
on what little bit remains - undefiled
And those not quickly scared away
I refuse to let them stay
to experience my torture
I make some kind of lame excuse
for every selfish thing I do
And I keep so many fooled about my future
Once I’ve dug myself so deep
how could I even dare to think
there could be hope for sanity?
What was I thinking? Was it all just make-believe?
Am I so quick to deceive? Was it all I could perceive?
Or is it my reality?
How else could I explain the way I have been maimed
by my own anxiety?
By my overwhelming fears
by my ceaseless flow of tears
and indulging impropriety
as a way to numb the hurt
as a way to hide the dirt
through foolish denial
Is life all a masquerade trying to guess my own charade?
Or is it vanity? I don’t think I care to know
There is no other way to go
Simply let the fire rage
It will consume all in its path
I’m left as scorching aftermath
A life existing in a shell
it’s painted so well
I bet you can’t even tell
it’s a self-imposed hell
A life of ashes in a cage