A Living Sacrifice

I didn’t get what I wanted. It may not ever be. 

My heart’s deepest desire, I might never see. 

Will I still be grateful? Will I humbly serve 

If there’s no way I’ll ever take what I think I deserve? 

Is my true love conditional? Are there stipulations which must be met 

Before I’ll give my all? Is my free gift to be withheld? 

Are there strings attached to my offering? Will I pretend that I can’t tell? 

I may not know how or who or what or when or why or wherefore but 

You request a living sacrifice upon the alter of my life. 

You didn’t meet my expectations or fulfill my perceived vow. 

I’ve been disappointed. So what will I do now? 

Will I stay committed? Will I run away? 

If I’m consumed by these concerns, am I wasting today? 

Is my whole world coming undone? 

Am I too lost in my own thinking for ever helping anyone? 

Is my intent not good enough? 

Are the promises I thought you made referring to other stuff? 

I may not know how or who or what or when or why or wherefore but 

You request a living sacrifice upon the alter of my life. 

All the excuses I can make cannot replace the path I take. 

The choice will always rest with me, and I decide extensively 

To be a living sacrifice upon the alter of my life. 

So what if I didn’t get what I wanted.

ToDie

I tried to do recovery on my own

But it doesn’t go well when you’re lost and alone

Others around me served to amplify

My own blank expression and emptiness inside

I began to go backward and was losing ground

From having too little up for how far I went down

My friends were fair weather and family too far

To help meet my needs when I fell below par

So I simply slid deeper down into the pit

With no reassurance there was a way out of it

And life kept on ticking tick ticking away

As the present was lost in a blur called today

I feel helpless and hopeless with nothing to give

But I don’t want to die before I ever live

My Picture

I have a picture of you on my wall

My beautiful Daughter, I love you above all

The one perfect thing I’ve ever done in my life

Was to bring you into the world to be a new light

And to see you smiling fills my heart with joy

There’s a pride swelling within me, nothing can destroy

All I ever want more than any other prize

Is to see your love ignite and shine in your eyes

I know you’ll make mistakes and take a few wrong turns

Get lost a time or two, but that’s how you learn

And I’ll still be here, any time you’re in need

The call of my life is to help you succeed

Every time you fall, my heart is filled with tears

But I’ll help you get strong again, there’s no need to fear

All I ever need more than anything by far

Is for you to believe and know just how loved you are

Makes me want to cry, when I see my love in you

Reflected in all the things that you do

And if I love my child, though I’m weak and small

How much more is God’s love for me

My picture’s hanging on His wall

In the Meantime

Oh Lord, I know, I know that I don’t see, I know that I don’t know the plan You have for me. You know it would be nice, if You could be so kind, if You could just say one thing, one thing to ease my mind. Suppose I’ll have to wait, might have to wait a while, even though I’ve already walked the proverbial mile.

But in the meantime – I need to take my life and let it shine. I need to do my best with what is mine and leave the rest behind so I will be just fine. In the meantime.

I know I can be slow, don’t know what life’s about, but I know You will be with me as I figure things out. I know I can be blind, can’t see what lies ahead I also know You’ll show me, show me what You have instead. I know that if I trust, if I follow Your lead, You’ll lead me to a place where I’ll belong eventually.

But in the meantime – I need to take my life and let it shine. I need to do my best with what is mine and leave the rest behind so I will be just fine. In the meantime.

What am I to say? What am I to do? What am I to be? How can I honor You?

In the meantime.

I Can't Change My Heart

I can take your pictures down off the wall

Fill in the holes you made and repaint the hall

I can change up my surroundings any way that I choose

I can even change the game so that I don’t have to lose

But I can’t change my heart, it’s still broken in two

And I can’t keep my thoughts from always thinking of you

I can change my mind so easy like I’m changing my clothes

I can hide away completely so that nobody knows

And I can always go back home and act like everything’s fine

But I can never go back to you again, not this time

I can go through my old memories and live in the past

Fill pages of my diary and try to make it last

I can forsake all my shattered dreams and push them aside

Go fishing for sympathy to inflate my foolish pride

I can change up my desires and look for somebody else

And I can change the words I speak to lies and keep fooling myself

But I can’t change my heart, it’s still broken in two

And I can’t keep my thoughts from always thinking of you

I can change my mind so easy like I’m changing my clothes

I can hide away completely so that nobody knows

And I can always go back home and act like everything’s fine

But I can never go back to you again, not this time

I can change a burnt out light bulb, I can change my evening dress

But I can’t change what you’ve done to me or change this bloody mess

And I can’t change my heart, it’s still broken in two

And I can’t keep my thoughts from always thinking of you

I can change my mind so easy like I’m changing my clothes

I can hide away completely so that nobody knows

And I can always go back home and act like everything’s fine

But I can never go back to you again, not this time

No I can’t ever go back to you again, not this time

I Am the Moon

She is the sunshine, I am the moon

She rules the daytime, I’m coming soon

She radiates brightly, I dimly glow

She spills her secrets, mine you’ll never know

She dances and sparkles, I wax and wane

She’s ever-changing, I stay the same

She spoils labor, I spur romance

She burns the eyes, I’m second glance

She holds today, I bring tomorrow

She’s full of joy, I embrace sorrow

She’s where goodness shows, I’m where love hides

She scorches the land, I rule the tides

She’s unmistakable, I go unseen

She is reality, I am the dream

How Holy Your Purity

I wonder, and I marvel at the beauty you set before my eyes.

Such compassion, no distractions

Just amazed that you’d shower me with light.

How can it be? The simplicity. A rainbow above from your prism of love.

It’s reflecting Your glory dispelling the darkest night.

And I can’t imagine – how holy, Your purity. Blazing around me, Your fire surrounds me. Your perfect condition replacing conviction in my broken places forgiveness erases my guilt and shame, the sin and the blame are swallowed up whole, I surrender control unto Your boundless love as You’re lifting me up into heaven with You so Your love can shine through my life.

I wonder, how Your people can keep living without ever taking a glance

at the majesty of Your artistry

Just content to relent and leave it all up to chance.

How can we stay? There’s no life that way. 

Only in You can our love ever be true.

You’re greater than any pretense or circumstance.

I can only imagine – how holy, Your purity. Blazing around me, Your fire surrounds me. Your perfect condition replacing conviction in my broken places forgiveness erases my guilt and shame, the sin and the blame are swallowed up whole, I surrender control unto Your boundless love as You’re lifting me up into heaven with You so Your love can shine through my life.

I wonder in awe at Your perfect law, the one You moved down from my head

fulfilling the prudent because You knew I couldn’t 

And so You took up my place instead.

You saw me fall flat and met me where I’m at, all my sins and transgressions, were covered by confessions, by faith in the blood that You shed.

I don’t have to imagine – how holy, Your purity. Blazing around me, Your fire surrounds me. Your perfect condition replacing conviction in my broken places forgiveness erases my guilt and shame, the sin and the blame are swallowed up whole, I surrender control unto Your boundless love as You’re lifting me up into heaven with You so Your love can shine through my life.

Into heaven with You so Your love can shine through my life.

Following Feelings

Sometimes I feel like a shooting star

Sometimes I feel like a broken heart

Sometimes I feel like just another face

Sometimes I feel like a big, lonely place

Oh my, feelings take over me

Oh my, just like a raging sea

So I, go under once again

Just like, I have imagined it

Sometimes I feel like a rubber ball

Sometimes I feel like a criminal

Sometimes I feel like I’m all alone

Sometimes I feel like I’m made of stone

Oh my, feelings take over me

Oh my, just like a raging sea

So I, go under once again

Just like, I have imagined it

I have no trouble, no trouble at all thinking

Up lame excuses, for when I follow feelings

I follow feelings, when I follow my feelings

That’s when I fall again, following feelings

That’s when I play pretend

I follow feelings, and feelings are full of it

I follow feelings, and I don’t like what I get

Oh my, feelings take over me

Oh my, just like a raging sea

So I, go under once again

Just like, I have imagined it

Sometimes I feel like I’m ten feet tall

Sometimes I feel like I don’t exist at all

Carrousel

Horses go round and around and up and down

Horses, giraffes and elephants and clowns

Decked out, and decorated with jewels and paint

Nobody seems to care that they’re all fake

Smiles and laughter and music fill the air

Am I the only person who is aware

We’re going in circles around and around, around

We never get anywhere just going up and down

Stuck on a perpetual carrousel

Some think they’re in heaven, but for me it’s hell

Going round and around and around and around again

Suits go to meetings, fight traffic, get home at dawn

Work, play, eat, sleeping, the cycle goes on and on

Fast fleeting weekends spent getting the errands run

We’re always so busy, but nothing ever gets done

Not now, wait a minute, just as soon as I can

Obligations, excuses keep us going back round again

We’re going in circles around and around, around

We never get anywhere just going up and down

Stuck on a perpetual carrousel

Something they’re in heaven, but for me it’s hell

Going round and around and around and around again

I’m so tired and dizzy, and I feel motion sick

I can’t stop the ride, but I need to get off of it

Going around and around and around again

We never get anywhere, we all just play pretend

Around and around and around and around we spin

Around and around and around and around again

Crazy, Crazy Love

To say unexpected is crazy at best. It’s an understatement bordering on jest.

But that’s how it hit me, clean out of the blue. And that’s how you’ll find it if you want crazy too.

Cause it’s a crazy, crazy love with nothing expected. It’s a crazy, crazy love completely accepted. There’s no more rejection, no more heart ache or pain, no more doubt or confusion, no more projecting blame. Cause it’s a crazy, crazy love just the way you are. Yes it’s a crazy, crazy love much better by far than all the lying and cheating games you’ve known until now. It’s a crazy love turning my world upside down.

To say I believe it makes me crazy indeed. But I’ll give up everything because love’s what I need.

My crazy situations no longer bring me down. Because I know they don’t matter next to what I have found.

Cause it’s a crazy, crazy love with nothing expected. It’s a crazy, crazy love completely accepted. There’s no more rejection, no more heart ache or pain, no more doubt or confusion, no more projecting blame. Cause it’s a crazy, crazy love just the way you are. Yes it’s a crazy, crazy love much better by far than all the lying and cheating games you’ve known until now. So if you want crazy love, listen and I’ll tell you how.

Admit that you’ve fallen and life ain’t working right. Believe that Christ died to give you new life. Confess that you’re ready and willing to give up. Depend on His goodness and receive His love.

Cause it’s a crazy, crazy love with nothing expected. It’s a crazy, crazy love completely accepted. There’s no more rejection, no more heart ache or pain, no more doubt or confusion, no more projecting blame. Cause it’s a crazy, crazy love just the way you are. Yes it’s a crazy, crazy love much better by far than all the lying and cheating games you’ve known until now. Your burdens are heavy; it’s time to lay them down.

Cause it’s a crazy, crazy love with nothing expected. It’s a crazy, crazy love completely accepted. There’s no more rejection, no more heart ache or pain, no more doubt or confusion, no more projecting blame. Cause it’s a crazy, crazy love just the way you are. Yes it’s a crazy, crazy love much better by far than all the lying and cheating games you’ve known until now. Heaven is waiting. God’s grace is shaking. Your complacency’s waning. Loving is here for the taking. Cause it’s a crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy love now.