Revolution

I’m sick inside - From stresses and the pressures
Of this life - Taking extraordinary measures
Against my time - Throwing me off track
Changing my heart and mind - Taking me aback
Until I want to cry - And shatter into pieces
Falling through the sky - Like shooting star baristas
Selling pseudo highs - To unsuspecting patrons
Trying to get by - External expectations
So I think I might - Rebel against the standard
And run through the night - Crazily and haphazard
To expose the lies - Herding us like cattle
Drawn to suicide - In a losing battle
Camouflaging pride - Masquerading anger
Hidden deep inside - Keeping us in danger
Of our fight or flight - Conditioned responses
Shrinking from the light - And memories that haunt us
In the truth we find - As if waking from a dream
We finally realize - Nothing’s what it seems
There is no wrong or right - Way for me to answer
Point toward which to strive - Or way anything’s better
Than this one precise - Ordinary moment
Then the question lies - In whether I will own it
Will I pay the price - To follow the solution
There’s a chance I might - Start a revolution

More Than Amazing

Lord, I know she needs You. Her grief and her pain are more than she can bear. She really does believe in You, and yet, when she’s hurting it’s hard for her to know You’re there. She never wanted life to be this way; her anger is burning all of her love away. She needs your healing and a touch of Your grace today.

Lord, I know he needs You. His guilt and his shame are tearing him apart. He doesn’t really believe in You. That’s where he should start by asking You into his heart. He turns to every other type of a high. His main goals in life are to merely get by. It would give him peace to have You in his life today.

Lord, I know I need You. I’m too busy to praise You. My time seems to just slip away. I really do believe in You, yet my priorities continually fall out of place. I dread obligations and chores I have to do. My days blur together and I lose sight of You. So I pray for strength, for my joy to be renewed today.

Because Your grace is more than amazing, and Your joy is here for partaking, and Your peace will chase all her sorrows away. Because Your grace is more than sufficient, and Your joy is here and he can be in it, and Your peace is going to show me the way. Lord, please give me Your grace, fill her with joy, provide him with peace, and show us Your love today.

Defined Part 3

Future -

Christian -
Helper -
Receiver -
Influencer -
Spirit -
Truth -
Inspirational -
Excellence -

I won’t pretend to know what the future holds; I only pray that God will use me.

Dance

Dance, dance in the rain
Brave the storm of misery
Laugh your way through the pain

Though the blood of crimson stain
Emotional scars they may be
Dance, dance in the rain

When the heart in love is slain
Locked away where none may see
Laugh your way through the pain

Not a thought for what’s to gain
Beauty stole away from me
Dance, dance in the rain

Collapsed beneath the stress and strain
Communicating silently
Laugh your way through the pain

For death of life I won’t complain
But life in death is agony
Dance, dance in the rain
Laugh your way through the pain

Defined - Part 2

Present -

Christian – precious child of God, learning to live in complete trust and obedience

Healer – let go of the past, allow wounds to mend, embrace the whole self, come to terms with the pain

Relative – perception of experiences establish beliefs, not actual circumstances

Individual – unique personality with a rare combination of gifts to share and contribute

Satisfaction – willingness to be content with all that is regardless of how I would want it to be

Time – the one constant that exists only within the constraints of conscious awareness

Interesting – spurs curiosity through willful deviance from anything considered to be normal, average, adequate or usual

Ethereal – beautifully delicate, refined, creative existence of the poetic persona through the constructs of aesthetics and imagination

Affirmations

Sometimes the hardest part of all is that first step of faith
Seek God first and everything else will fall into place
Invest the talents you’ve been given and receive a hundred-fold
Before you take hold of the new you have to let go of the old
It’s good to know what you need to do, but you also need to do it
Either keep making excuses or refuse to ever quit
Don’t let the past stand in the way of the future you have in store
Do what you love and love what you do so you will do it more
Renew your sense of purpose by acting on your priorities
Take the yoke offered to you and live life with a holy ease

Defined – Part 1

-
Past -

Christian – know all the answers to all of the questions so as to not be confronted about inappropriate behaviors or other sinful strongholds

Hateful – harboring anger toward God and toward people for causing so much pain and disappointment in my life

Reality – something to be feared and avoided at all costs because it can’t be controlled

Invisible – unable to be seen, heard, felt or detected

Selfish – do whatever is going to cause the most pleasure and avoid the most pain

Trapped – life is a prison from which death is the only escape

Independent – no one else can do it the way I want it done, no one else is going to tell me what to do, no one will get close enough to cause me to care about them

Expendable – no significance, no difference, nothing is altered or affected

Bigger Than Life

There is a way that seems right to a man
Yet, ultimately, his steps are in Your hands
You hear him say he has a plan
Still,every breath and heartbeat
follows Your command
He goes his way, but in the end
You’re in control
You’re bigger than him
You’re bigger than life
You’re bigger than death
Higher than the heights
Deeper than the depths
No man can fathom, or begin to conceive
the extent of Your purpose
for those who trust and believe

I Could Have Been

I could have been a hero. I could have been a millionaire. I could have been so much further gone, maybe even already there. I could have been magnifico. I could have been a superstar by now. I could have made all my dreams come true and made the world a better place somehow. I could have been wonderful. I could have been heaven sent. I could have been all these things and more, if you weren’t absent. I could have been happy as a clam. I could have been stronger than you know. I could have been the best that I can be, but I can’t do it alone. You left me hanging out to dry instead of investing in my life. Now the most that I can do is guess, what I could have been instead of living it.

No more blaming or excuses. You made your choice. Now it’s time for me to make mine. And I choose to stick around and help my children become all they can be, as much as I possibly can. I may not be there as much as I was before the divorce. But I’m here. They may not ever appreciate it. But I know I’m doing my best. I guess that’s all any of us can do. I can only be who I am and not what I could have been.

God is God

God is God. He is undeniable and yet indescribable. God is omnipresent. He occupies every cell of our bodies and every particle of the physical world around us. Still, He gives us the choice whether to acknowledge His presence. God is all-powerful, but we limit His effectiveness by trying to control our own lives. In His own words, God is I Am. He is ever present and forever will be. He is the force by which and through whom all things exist. And God is still God whether or not I choose to recognize Him as God. God is Unchanging - Unwavering – Unfailing, and Immeasurable. It is impossible to fully comprehend who God is, at least on this side of eternity. That’s why God sent Jesus, so that our limited minds could see a perfect example of who God is and so we could be reconciled to Him. In Him, we see how far we fall short and how desperately we need to be sanctified by His Holy Spirit and for our salvation, to be reunited with Him.

Only the Faithful Few

Thank you all for reading my blog. You are the reason I am here. I hope these songs and poems and random thoughts help you, touch you, inspire you as much as they do for me. Much love. Christie.

The Eyes of Christ

I look into the eyes of Christ; they are a burning fire
Exposing all my selfish ways and every heart's desire
His eyes are inescapable while in His arms of love
So fight them, fear them or surrender and let them burn you up

For only what is done for Christ will last
Only what is good and pure may pass
Burn away indignity and pride
All the guilt and anger that I hold deep inside
Consume the kindling of each unkind word
And lick up every piece I've piled of unacknowledged hurt
Save me with the flames that purify
As I pass by the eyes of Christ

The only thing I have to fear is to remain the same
These burdens of inequity, no longer mine to claim
They vanish in a wisp of smoke; they fade into the air
my impure thoughts and behaviors are no longer found there

For only what is done for Christ will last
Only what is good and pure may pass
Burn away indignity and pride
All the guilt and anger that I hold deep inside
Consume the kindling of each unkind word
And lick up every piece I've piled of unacknowledged hurt
Save me with the flames that purify
As I pass by the eyes of Christ

For only what is done for Christ will last
Only what is good and pure may pass

I Can Hear

I can hear Your people crying
I can see their broken hearts
I can feel the intense pain they feel as their lives are torn apart
I can feel my spirit aching as I see their needs unfold
I can hear their desperate yearnings as I hear each story told
I can feel Your Spirit movingI can hear You in their lives
I can see Your glory clearly like I were seeing with my eyes

You can hear each prayer unspoken
You can see what will be best
You can feel their deep resistance to feeling Your peace and rest
You can hear each lost voice calling as You call them to draw near
So please show me how to serve them
Tell me what I am to do
I need to feel You presence as I seek to follow You

I really want to make a difference
to see the captives all set free
I long to tell the world about Your love
and show the love You’ve given me
So I’ll reach out with Your mercy
and extend Your hands of grace
I will walk in Your forgiveness and
shine You light throughout this place

But if I ever start to stumble
which I inevitably will
I ask that You would pull me up again
and choose to use me still
‘Cause I can hear Your people healing
I can see their torn hearts mend
I can feel their joy returning
as they turn to You again

How Real is It?

How real is it? I know the words, yet they escape me, like fighting for breath with no air. A love greater than anything imaginable surrounds me with emptiness. Everything I know is useless, meaningless. What difference does it make? If I learn one more fact,
I will forget my freedom. If I consider one more truth, I will forget to sing. How does music light in the trees? From where does the breeze originate? Some things I ponder. Some things I live. How real is it?
As real as I decide to make it be.

Got God?

Why do I need God? I have a good life. Why do I need faith? I can make it on my own. I can see why a bum in the streets would need God, because he doesn’t have anything else, or somebody in prison who needs something to believe in, or when someone is dying, and they don’t have anything to lose.

Why do I need God? Is He some kind of celestial Santa Claus who will give me what I want when I want it? Why do I need faith? Will it keep me from being scared of the dark or afraid of the boogey man? Give me a break. Why would I want to have a new life? I’m a good person and I have a good life.

But being good isn’t good enough. And having a good life isn’t having eternal life. Mediocrity is a deception to get us trusting in things that are false and don’t last. But God is love. His perfect love lasts forever and never fails and never changes. He doesn’t give me what I want when I want it. He gives me what I need when I need it. And He doesn’t always keep harm from befalling me. But He does give me the strength to endure it.

And my life is good right now, but life changes. Without notice, I could end up on the streets or in prison or dead. No one ever plans for these things to happen. We never know what tomorrow may bring.

Why do I need faith? Because without faith it is impossible to please God. Why do I need God? Because God is perfect, and I am not.

The Answer

I don’t have it all figured out
This is what causes me to doubt
I have a fear of the unknown
And I know that’s where I’m goin’
So pardon if I occasionally
Forget Your grace and stability
I fill my mind with lame excuses
And remind myself of past abuses
That’s why I find it hard to trust
In a God who’s always loving and just
I do have faith that pulls me through
And keeps me seeking after You
But at times I think it’s not enough
I’m too distracted by so much other stuff
That I don’t live as You intended
The clear lines of Your Word get blended
With my own wants and selfish desires
And the promises of subtle liars
I get confused – that’s not Your way
Uncertainty causes me to stray
Until eventually I find myself
Flat on my face calling out for help
You raise me up and wipe me clean
When I repent of how I’ve been
You pull me close and fill me up
With forgiveness, mercy and love
You understand my weak failings
And my continuous questioning
How ignorance often leaves me blind
So again You generously remind
To all these questions I pursue
The answer has always been You

Why Not?

Why did I cry myself to sleep last night? Why would I be upset about having someone be willing to give me anything and willing to give up everything to be with me? Why do I so easily tire of the words, “I love you,” and why do they hold so little meaning for me? Why would I rather be poor and alone, destitute with desperation, than to accept the offer extended to me to be together? Why do I let the ones I love be far removed from me? Why do I not eagerly pursue them? Why do I let them slip further away? Why won’t I settle for the status quo and embrace going through the motions? Why am I so afraid of losing myself in them again?

I Believe

I believe I am a victim of my circumstances.
I believe reality is how I perceive it to be.
I believe the hand of the universe is hard-pressed against me.
I believe fate is a rewarder of those who give.
I believe I will never amount to anything.
I believe I can achieve whatever I set my mind to.
I believe life is difficult, miserable and lonely.
I believe happiness can be found whenever it is chosen.
I believe I don’t deserve anything good.
I believe good things come to those who do good to others.
I believe no one wants to help me.
I believe everyone would like to be helpful if given the chance.
I believe I can’t support myself or get by on my own.
I believe the world is what I choose to make it be.
I believe no one really cares about me.
I believe I am loved by those who know me well.
I believe I’m too old to chase my dreams.
I believe I’m too young to give up on life.
I believe I’ll never be successful.
I believe in writing my own definition for what successful means.
I believe I’m always going to struggle to get by.
I believe there will always be obstacles to overcome.
I believe nothing positive is ever going to happen for me.
I believe nothing can stop the blessings from reaching me.
I believe the things I want only happen for other people.
I believe anything can be achieved with perseverance.
I believe I’m not strong enough to do the right thing.
I believe there is strength in numbers.

Believe

I can be what I’m meant to be, if only I believe
I can do anything, if only I believe
I can go anywhere
Cast away every care
Nothing is impossible
I can be unstoppable, if only I believe
I can move mountains and
Nothing against me stands
Faith and hope will endure
Of this I can be sure
All I know to be true
I know I’ll find in You, if I only believe
Dreams come to pass I’ll see, if I only believe
In You living in me, if I only believe

The Cave

Shadows cast upon the wall
Hold power over us all
Deceived by what we’re told is real
We’ve lost ability to feel
And think freely for ourselves
We listen to somebody else
Who says we’re ignorant and blind
If we ever try to find
The source of light creating all
The shadows cast upon the wall

The Choice

When all that matters is that I live to glorify God, then nothing else matters. When I try to do what I think will make me happy or make my life better, then I lose sight of everything that makes me happy and makes my life better. There is always the choice: either wish for the things that are not here or enjoy those things which are.

Boredom

Boredom stifles the imagination
Boredom is the result of amputating the mind
Boredom hastens mistakes and
Boredom leaves me feeling numb
Boredom blinds me to the realm of endless possibilities
Boredom sucks out my brain
Boredom leaves a trail of unfulfilled potential
Boredom dulls the senses
Boredom attacks a person subtly
Boredom is a slow and painful death
Boredom intoxicates the body
Boredom allows me to sleep while I’m awake
Boredom weighs me down like an anvil slung around my neck
Boredom corrupts the innocent
Boredom takes captive the best of intentions
Boredom leads every victim astray
Boredom advocates nonsense
Boredom reduces me to doodling
Boredom restricts my creativity
Boredom surfs the vein of sleeping limbs
Boredom arouses the loss of intelligence and aspires to conjuring a new excuse
Boredom is a thief of time, a tangent landing nowhere
Boredom circulates random thoughts through my head
Boredom initiates the echo of absurdity resonating in my bones
Boredom equals insanity
Boredom gushes forth uncontrollably
Boredom sneaks up on me unexpectedly

Spin

My thoughts spin in a million directions
The hectic whirl of inactivity - paralyzing
Simultaneous inertia from opposing forces
Renders motion static
Analysis proves futile
Brainless activity hastens
Productivity - worthless
Doing does nothing but
Running in circles
Being is everything - meditation

Apologetic?

I’m sorry
Came out so fast and easy
His face, blank
No concern in his eyes
Words are not enough
When they contain
No sincerity

You Say

You tell me I’m not good enough, I say I don’t care
Because I know inside my heart I have so much to share
You say I’m not strong enough to get the whole way through
I retort, I may not be, but I’m stronger than you
I may not have all that it takes to go the extra mile
But I’ll go as far as I can get and I’ll make it in style
You list all the reasons why it’ll never work
I’m too poor, I’m too afraid, I’ve suffered too much hurt
I’ve heard your excuses, and though they may be true
I won’t let them stop me for I know what I must do
You explain how this cruel world will eat me up alive
No one’s even listening, I’m just wasting my time
This is the only life I get, I should do what I like
But I need to deny myself and leave it all behind
It doesn’t matter what I want, I will trust and obey
And be grateful for all I have, whatever comes my way
You fill my mind with memories of all the times I’ve failed
And show me through experience where I have not prevailed
You say things will never change, you say I’m the one to blame
You say I’ll always be the same, You say I’m one crazy dame

I’m beat into a corner, where I’m left to die
I have nothing else to say, so I begin to cry
You’re supposed to love me, but you trample me instead
I know I should quit listening to the voice inside my head

You say I’m not good enough, You say I’ll never be enough
You say I should just give up, but I don’t care what you say

Do Not Fear

Fear causes us to make the most stupid decisions ever. Fear of failure causes us to give up on our dreams. Fear of being lonely causes us to form unhealthy relationships. Fear of rejection causes us to be dishonest with ohters and with ourselves. Love is the only thing strong enough to overcome all of our fears. Therefore, do not fear, choose love instead.

AT

Aporia stricken
Blocked from my mind
Clamoring for words
Determined to find
Echoes in the hollows
Flooding o’er my brain
Going ‘round in circles
Hopelessly insane
I just can’t explain this
Juxtaposition
Keep coming back to the
Lasting first impression
Maybe there’s a chance
No way to be sure
Open-ended propositions
Pound at my heart’s door
Questioning incessantly
Reckless rationale
So will it ever come to me?
Time only will tell

Transcend

"The kingdom of heaven is within you." Discover the truth, beauty and freedom of this reality and you will transcend the dictates of your external circumstances.

Shit Storm

"Shit Happens" the bumper sticker says.
"That's so true," I mumble and shake my head.
It doesn't just happen, it happens a lot.
And it's hard to see all the blessings I've got
when the shit storm is raging all through my life
causing decimation, worries and strife.
And I know that it's coming, but it's hard to prepare
when I'm dealing with all the shit already there.
So what in the world is a girl s'posed to do
when all of the brown shit is making her blue?
I can change my perspective and choose to aim higher.
I'll get buried in shit or use it as fertilizer.