Temporary Words

The ink I use may fade away

The written words may die

The paper may be burned or torn

Or flutter off into the sky

But though languages may change

Through temporary words

The ideas cannot be slain

Wherever they be heard

Short-sighted

I can’t see You for looking, my vision is so short-sighted

Forgive me for returning, to the place where I first decided to seek You

I should be so much further by now, but it’s hard to improve while circling around

From here to there seems like a straight line, if I kept going forward I’d be doing fine

But I can’t see You for looking, my vision is so short-sighted

Forgive me for returning, to the place where I first decided

To seek You, with my whole heart

I want to do what You have for me, but I’m frightened by the possibility

Of losing my way, of falling behind, of beginning again from where I started last time

For I can’t see You for looking, my vision is so short-sighted

Forgive me for returning, to the place where I first decided

To seek You, with my whole heart, I come right back to, the place where I start

And how do I move on from here, and leave behind the familiar

How do I stretch and learn and grow, if I won’t reach beyond what I know

When I can’t see You for looking, my vision is so short-sighted

Forgive me for returning, to the place where I first decided

To seek You, with my whole heart, I run back to, the place where I start

When I can’t see You, for looking, my vision is so short-sighted

Sojourn

All we have is the journey. There is no destination.

No More

No more will the fear and the shame get the best of me.

No more will the heartache and pain get the rest of me.

No more of the doubt and confusion.

I know they are only illusion.

I will give in, no more.

No more of the sorrow and grief.

No more, I will only believe.

No more of the shadows today making me run away.

I will stand. I will give in, no more.

No more will the words of mere men be what’s in control.

No more will I follow the trend to sell out my soul.

No more of their praise am I seeking.

I know they are only deceiving.

I will give in, no more

No more will I settle for empty and hollow.

No more of this dying world will I follow.

For You are eternal and have much better ways

stored up for me in Your plans.

All I have is surrender and simple belief

That you’re guiding my circumstance.

And it’s not by my own strength,

But it’s leaving all things in Your hands.

So there is no more

No more doubt and confusion.

I know they are only illusion.

And I will give in, no more.

Notes to Self

Give my utmost for His highest.

Stay open to whatever God has for me.

I am called to a life of excellence.

Have every confidence in Him whose hands hold me.

Prepare the way of the Lord.

Prayer makes the ordinary extraordinary.

Keep a humble heart and a seeking spirit.

God longs to do exceedingly beyond my expectations.

Heal properly so I can dance again.

Start living like a winner and become what you practice.

Start living intentionally the life God has for you.

Never return to business as usual.

Stay focused on the Lord and draw close to Him.

All strength comes from the Spirit who gives life.

Be responsive to God in the little things,

And learn to recognize His voice.

Worldly pleasures will never be

An adequate substitute for righteous joy.

I need to forget about the outcome and get on purpose.

He who knows what to do and doesn’t do it

deceives himself.

You are a good God!

You are bigger than all of my fears.

What would I be willing to risk if I were not afraid?

You have created me exactly as You would have me.

Let Your Spirit flow through me.

May I become all You have for me to be.

True Light

When your life is the darkest and you see no light at all

Where will you turn? On whom will you call?

Will you dig yourself deeper into the pit of despair?

Will you call on friends who vanish

like a wisp of smoke in air?

If people disappoint you as people often do

not by their intention but because they’re people too

maybe you should seek the One

who will never let you down

He’s the only one able to turn your life around

So the next time you’re left wandering

lost in the darkest night

open your heart to Jesus

He’s the world’s only true light.

John 10:10

Liar – You lied to me. You told me they would hate me and I believed you. And, therefore, I perceived what I believed, and I knew they would hate me. My world is what I created it to be. I have to take responsibility.

I behaved according to what I believed, and I pushed them away. You said they’d only hurt me if I let them stay. So I built a wall around me where I could hide. And it left me cold and empty deep inside. Lost in isolation in my self-imposed prison, my fear hurt me worse than anything else could. 

So I just labeled myself “misunderstood”, and I tried to rationalize. And I blamed everyone else that I could find, but it was all in my mind. You lied to me, and I believed you. But I’m not a defenseless child anymore.

I don’t have to sit and take it like before. It might have taken me forever, but I learned of your endeavors to destroy. I discovered your plan. Now I will not be so easily deceived. You can lie to me. I won’t believe you.

Truth – You died for me. You told me that You loved me and I believed You. But I didn’t understand what Your love could do. I thought it meant I’d be good at following the rules, and then You would approve. 

I couldn’t see how life was to be lived. I wouldn’t take the gift You freely give. I wanted to earn it. I thought I could deserve it. But there was never enough good that I could do. My best intentions would always fall through. And I wouldn’t forgive myself for having failed.

So I lowered my expectations. I took whatever life threw at me. Still You loved me, and I believed You. But what good does it do me if it doesn’t make me worthy of Your love?

Teach me how to receive Your mercy today. So I can then in turn give it away. Let me live to be a blessing. Show me how to be dispensing peace and grace.

Only in humility, can Your love flow through me and be lived out sacrificially when I obey. Your love was never about deserving it anyway.

Now I understand the life You’ve given me is to be expressed joyfully. That’s why You died for me. And I simply need only to believe.    

Time as a Child

Skipping merrily through tall blades of grass

Showering in the sprinkler’s wetness

Gliding along lakes of shimmering glass

Giggling gaily in mid-summer bliss

Jumping into piles of freshly raked leaves

Jogging for miles when the school bus is missed

Saying your prayers late at night on your knees

Sleeping already as your cheek is kissed

Going faster and faster while sledding

Guiding your blades on the lake that’s now ice

Jesting with snowballs, aid and abetting

Joking about how the rain sure is nice

Seeing the first flowers of the season

So the year goes by without reason

Paranoid

His eyes follow me

As I walk past

I feel him watching

Waiting to see my path

I pause to read the schedule

He appears directly behind me

Materializing out of nowhere

Uncomfortably

Close and leaning in

There’s no escape

Nowhere to turn

His rancid breath upon my skin

The bus tarries

My pulse quickens

I’m visibly disturbed

I somehow slink away

But he follows

At my heals

Like a shadow

There is no way to shake

My paranoia 

The Trial is a Test

I can see you there, standing over me

Preparing to teach, some responsibility

I can hear you say, this is what it’s come down to

And it’s gonna hurt, me more than it hurts you

Receiving discipline, from a loving hand

Seems like unnecessary, suffering at first glance

But to the well-trained eye, the trial is a test

For developing, to help me be my best

And I know you’ll never give more than I can take

But my strong will needs to break

I sob crocodile tears, trying to make you feel bad

Then I resort to desperation, begging please don’t hurt me Dad

But you’ve seen it all before, you know all of my tricks

And you know without the pain, the lesson never sticks

The value may not be clear, the first time around

And for all my blubbering, it seems like I’m going down

But to the well-trained eye, the trial is a test

For developing, to help me be my best

And I know you’ll never give more than I can take

But my strong will needs to break

So don’t despise chastisement, don’t try to run away

Only surrender, it’ll make you better, than you were yesterday

So when you don’t get the point, and when you don’t understand

That’s when you remember, you don’t have it all together, but God still has a plan

And to the well-trained eye, the trial is a test

For developing, to help you be your best

And you know He’ll never give more than you can take

But your strong will needs to break

Dickinson Spinning

Be the worm

Eat the apple

Without hesitation or delay

Be the bird

Eat the worm

Never care who may be watching

Never notice your effect

Be the cat

Eat the bird – 

Cutting

 I let blood flow to ease my pain

The hurt is let go, released through veins

All the dark secrets I keep inside

Are tired of bleeding and trying to hide

But who will free me from needing to cut

They don’t hear me screaming, so I give up

Nobody listens and nobody cares

I just get demeaning, empty, blank stares

Is my heart still beating or lagging instead

Outside I’m alive, but inside I’m dead

Shame’s cloaked by a smile, scars covered with clothes

And I’ll keep pretending so nobody knows

Show Me Your Way

Show me Your way. Give me a sign. Tell me what to do. Lead me to where You will be mine and I can understand how You could be so great and so mighty and yet still be concerned

about one as insignificant as I. How could You be so perfect and so gracious to extend Your hand to a man with blemish and spot? All I’ve got You already have. There is nothing more I can give only to live as You command. So show me Your plan. I just want to do Your will, and yet still, here I am. I don’t understand how you could be so patient and kind. In You, I find a friend true as can be loving me, and reaching out His hand to take mine. By design, I will be all I can be. You made me exactly as you had planned. You’ve given me all I’ll ever need. In You I’m free to stand here and sing with all of my being of the joy that You bring and the love from above given fully to me unconditionally, without strings requesting only one small, simple  offering: to believe, just believe only believe.

Now here I stand. Please won’t You take my hand? Lead me to the promised land. I know only You can. I don’t have to understand, just believe. You have given to me life everlasting tremendous joy abounding, the strength to face my moments of need. Never concede, only believe.

You will show me Your plan. In due time I will understand. For now, I’ll just hold Your hand

and together we’ll stand. You’ll take me to the place where I’ll see Your face and feel heaven’s grace. This is only a taste of better things to come. There will be more to come if I will draw closer to You. That’s what You’ve told me to do to see what is true and have life anew. If I will just trust in You, put my faith in You, and believe in You, then You will show me Your way.

Then I will see the sign. Then I will know I am Yours and You are mine.

Laying My Life Down

Here I am once again

Laying my life down before you

And I mean it as much now as I did back then

I’m laying my life down again

And maybe it won’t take as long

Before I get to this point next time

But I forget in the daily busyness of life

That I’m supposed to live down on my knees

And I need to be reminded

I get brought back down to my knees again

And it usually comes with needing

to beg for forgiveness

Somehow, I forget my own weakness

I seem to think that I’m strong

I quickly find that I’m wrong

And still I struggle forever

Hoping I can get along

Why is it so hard for me to admit that I failed?

I know you can see when I’ve fallen

And I suddenly find myself on my knees

And I’m laying my life down again

Every Time I Want to Cry

Every time I Want to Cry

I hear your voice ring inside my head

Telling me everything will be okay

There’s no need to get upset or worried

Just calm down and enjoy the ride

Your presence still abides with me

Every time I want to cry

Even though you may be far away

My heart will always keep you close

No amount of distance can separate us

Beyond the miles I feel your warmth

I dwell upon our last embrace

Every time I want to cry

You bring me hope and reassurance

That I will still be loved in my weakness

I may feel worthless and undeserving

But you remind me that no one’s perfect

And I don’t need to hid in shame

Every time I want to cry

It’s a natural reaction to disappointment

But I let myself down continuously

With impossibly high standards and expectations

So you simply ho9ld me and show me you care

And it lifts me up

Every time I want to cry

I Couldn't

I couldn’t know You for knowing about You

I couldn’t feel You for learning the facts

I couldn’t love You for concern over my behavior

I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I can’t

I can’t replace relationship with religion

I can’t substitute submission with sacrifice

I can’t erase empathy with evasion

I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I can’t

Transformed

My eyes are fixed on the unseen

The life I live beyond the dream

With colors swirling intertwined

With weightlessness, absence of time

And energies that never die

But transform into you and I

A New Day Dawns

You called, me out of the darkness into Your light.

You spoke, life into my weary and sleepless night.

I was lost upon the oceans of just going through the motions

tossed by contrary devotions with no end in sight.

But then a new day dawns with peace to carry on.

Right now before my own eyes I can almost see the sun rise.

I'm eager with anticipation as You reveal Your revelation as a new day dawns.

You heard, me cry in desperation from a lonely heart

You turned, and breathed new life into me as a place to start

I may never reach perfect, but You’ve given me direction

released me from the rejection that tore me apart

And then a new day dawns with peace to carry on.

Right now before my own eyes I can almost see the sun rise.

I'm eager with anticipation as You reveal Your revelation as a new day dawns.

I was once trapped by my sorrow, now I have a bright tomorrow

And the light might still be hidden, but it’s glowing in the distance

As a new day dawns with peace to carry on.

Right now before my own eyes I can almost see the sun rise.

I'm eager with anticipation as You reveal Your revelation as a new day dawns.

As a new day dawns, as a new days dawns, and a new day dawns. 

Discovering the Sun

I was taught to believe nothing would ever change

Except for by some miracle things could possibly still get worse

I discovered “rock bottom” had further to fall

The concept of hope had no meaning at all

I saw others around me experiencing life

Nothing ever seemed to go wrong for them

I was bitterly jealous knowing they didn’t deserve it

Yet they got sunshine while I was stuck in a dark pit

I exhausted my options trying to figure things out

Looking for ways to alter my mood or my mind

I chased every pleasure that came into view

Whatever might numb my intense pain I would do

I had many a demon haunting me at night

And my days were troubled by the cares of this world

I had to eat and find shelter to survive

My most basic needs caused the most compromise

So forgive me if I tell your preachers to stuff it

I believe my experience over your stupid babble

Nothing you say can affect how I feel

I don’t need your religion, I need something real

If only I knew love could overcome fear

And that I can learn to love myself even if no one else does

Then maybe I could stand firm every time I want to run

It’s the only sure way to discover the sun

Live for the Line

Live for the line, not for the dot

Give all you are and all you’re not

Keeping forever at the front of your heart and mind

All of the time, live for the line

There are desires deep in my heart

At the very core of my spirit

Revealed in my life, Your plans for me

Make them loud and clear, let me hear it

Lay it on me, unmistakably

Within my soul, give me a sign

And teach me how to live for the line

Live for the line, not for the dot

Give all you are and all you’re not

Keeping forever at the front of your heart and mind

All of the time, live for the line

It doesn’t matter where my gifts lie

Only that I’m willing to use them

I was sent to go forth and multiply

It wasn’t my option to choose them

Don’t despise what was planted

Or walk away empty-handed

We’re all commanded to shine

And to live for the line

So live for the line, not for the dot

Give all you are and all you’re not

Keeping forever at the front of your heart and mind

All of the time, live for the line

I’m not any better or any worse

For writing down my life in verse

I shouldn’t compete or compare

We’re better off if we don’t go there

We are learning to share our design

And to live for the line

Live for the line, not for the dot

Give all you are and all you’re not

Keeping forever at the front of your heart and mind

All of the time, live for the line

Keeping forever at the front of your heart and mind

All of the time, live for the line

If Only

I know you came to earth to die for me

I know you live to set the captives free

I know you are the way, the truth, the life

I know you want to give me peace for strife

If only I could live it, like I believe it’s true

If only I could give in, and follow after you

Then maybe I could shine a ray of hope

Instead of clinging to the end of my rope

I know you came to bring a better way

Than drowning in troubles from day to day

I know I live to glorify your name

And if I listen my whole life will change

If only I could live it, like I believe it’s true

If only I could give in, and follow after you

Then maybe I could shine a ray of hope

Instead of clinging to the end of my rope

If only I could live it, like I believe it’s true

If only I could give in, and follow after you

Then I could shine your light like I’m designed to do

I know you came to earth to die for me

I know you live to set the captive free

If only I could live like I believe

If only

Do I Know Him

I know his name is James, and he’s a football player. But he still gets good grades and still wears a retainer. But who he is at home each night I really couldn’t tell because although I see him in the halls, I don’t know James that well.

Do I know him, or do I just see him at school? Do I know him? Is he wise or is he a fool? Can I look into his eyes and see the man inside? Do I know him?

I know his name is Johnson, and he’s an engineer. He’s got a brand new baby and has been married for a year. But what kind of a dad he’ll be I really couldn’t judge because although I’ve heard his intro, I know him that much.

Do I know him, or do I just see him at work? Do I know him? Is he kind or is he a jerk? Can I look into his eyes and see the man inside? Do I know him?

I know his name is Jesus, and He died for my sins. I know I need to trust Him because that’s where faith begins. But why He came to earth at all I really couldn’t say. Well I’ve heard all the stories, but do I know His way?

Do I know Him, or do I just see Him at church? Do I know Him and how He’s always true to His Word? Can I look into His eyes and see both God and man inside? Do I know Him?

Well He knows me by name right down to the last letter. He can see my heart and how I want to know Him better. And He knows all about you, and can see everything you do. And He wants you to know Him, to really know Him.

Do I know Him, or do I just know His name? Do I know Him? Because you know it’s not the same. He can see through your disguise and He knows who you are inside. But do you know Him? Do you know Him? Do you really know Him?

It Ain't Over

This is not what I imagined. How can it be my fate? You said You had a plan for me, all I had to do was wait. So I tried to be patient and always did my best to stand firm under trial and withstand every test. I went through the fire and reached the other side, but the goodness of Your promise isn’t what I feel inside.

Is this the end? What I fought for? Is this the only thing I gain from all the years I spent at war? Is this the point? What You have for me? Is this the grace Your Word says You extend to those who are in need? If this is Your idea of what it means to be at home, then I guess maybe I’m better off alone.

My dearest child, do not despair. For you have yet to see what’s coming or where you’re going from here. I have a plan, this much is true. You can’t begin to imagine all I have stored up for you. So be strong and take courage, you’re gonna need it for the journey, it’s a treacherous voyage. But You’ll be fine. I know what’s best. Just take one step at a time, and I will do the rest.

It’s not the end. Not even close. I’m still preparing the way for you the way you need it most. That’s not the point. The way you feel. The temporary trappings of this world are not even what’s real.  Here is my grace. Here is my love. I’m living deep within you not somewhere out there above. Just take my hand, and see my heart. Today is not your grand fulfillment; this is only where you start. It ain’t over ‘til it’s over. On that you can depend. This is the beginning, not the end. It ain’t over ‘til it’s over. On that you can depend. This is just the beginning, not the end.

I Love You

One day I’ll be with you forever

Too close for mere words to express

Three times you asked, “Do you love Me?”

For You, I can only say, “Yes!”

One time is all that it takes me

To gaze upon Your holiness

Three words are all I can muster

For this day I can only confess:

One, that You love me

Two, You died for me

Three, I live for You

Four, that I love You

Taste

Licking up every last drop

Savoring the sweetness

Consumption doesn’t stop

Satisfaction weakness

Scents

Smelling begins the whole affair

Olfactory can’t be denied

Aromas tingling the hair

As nuzzling pushes them aside

It Was You

The truth went undoubted

The facts were quite clear

Founded in knowledge

In what would adhere

Ideas understood by a discerning mind

Discovering wisdom not easy to find

Listening , learning

Seeking, searching

Haunting, yearning

Amongst all the answers

Something was still amiss

The light glowing within

A soft and gentle touch

Longing for the presence

Of a smile and a kiss

Missing the warmth of love

Missing the intimacy

Missing the reassurance of personal worth

Once held

Now strong

And full of peace

It was You, only You, all the while

Respect Yourself

Respect yourself enough to walk away

from any situation that does not allow you to serve others,

does not allow for personal growth,

and does not allow you to be happy with yourself the way you are.

Sweet Nothings

Sweet nothings whispered to me

Hot breath on wet skin

Gentle caresses grazing the surface

All the way down and back up again

Warm lips pressed against me

Passion twisting bodies together

Desire taking over in reckless abandon

Wishing to stay here forever

Sensual kisses

Surrender defined

Emotional explosion

Restrained to the mind

Come Home

Lay down your defenses, Remove your disguise

Let go of pretenses, Simply realize

That He, yes He, oh, yes Jesus He loves you

That He, yes He, He’s calling out to you

Oh weak and weary child come home

You don’t need to keep struggling out there all alone

Oh my sweet child, sweet child, it’s time to come home

Lies pile up around you, Still you’re empty inside

Emotion’s boiling over, The fears you try to hide

But only truth can free you, Straight and unrevised

Words of life will heal you, No need to be surprised

That He, yes He, oh, yes Jesus He loves you

That He, yes He, He’s calling out to you

Oh weak and weary child come home

You don’t need to keep struggling out there all alone

Oh my sweet child, sweet child, it’s time to come home

Your enemies surround, And your walls are crumbling down

But you won’t sustain harm, For you’re safe here in His arms

For He, yes He, oh, yes Jesus He loves you

That He, yes He, He’s calling out to you

Oh weak and weary child come home

You don’t need to keep struggling out there all alone

Oh my sweet child, sweet child, it’s time to come home

Oh weak and weary child, You’re my sweet, precious child

Oh weak and weary child, It’s time to come home

Rescue Me

I’m in the lifeboat the struggles of men

Trying to prove my worth all over again

Is there a rescue? Is there a friend?

This boat’s overcrowded and we’re all sinkin’

Rescue me, Rescue me

I lift my hands so You can see

I’m waiting here for delivery

Caught in a storm on a raging sea

But You rescue me, You rescue me

Oh You rescue me, You rescue me

Stuck in this lifeboat it’s sink or swim

This game of comparison I’ll never win

Am I forsaken? Am I forgotten?

I’ll fall or fly, but I’m diving in

I lift my hands so You can see

I’m waiting here for delivery

Caught in a storm on a raging sea

But You rescue me, You rescue me

Oh You rescue me, You rescue me

No more of the lifeboat I’m safe within

The Way I See It

The way I see it, there is only one choice to make.

And I make this decision every moment of every day.

The dichotomy of life: living for goodness sake or living for myself.

It’s seen in everything I say, everything I do, and everything I don’t do.

Life and death are the bottom line, but they’re defined in other terms.

What I’ll give and what I won’t betrays my true priorities and deepest concerns.

Will I rise above daily trials by focusing on the peace inside?

Or will I let myself be overcome by looking for answers where they don’t exist?

Do I courageously face new challenges, or do I run away and try to hide?

Am I greeting others with a smile, or am I too intently focused on my to-do-list?

Where your heart is, there your treasure lies.

Where your thoughts dwell is what’s on your mind.

Are you heavy laden or is your burden light?

Are you forgiven or bound up and contrite?

We can be amicable and experience joy or insist on our own way and live in strife.

Behold! I set before you life and death. It’s my decision now to choose life.

Nonconformist

You are common and will never understand my passion.

Go with the herd. 

Follow the opinions of those who only wish to poison you.

They nail you to the floor as you pass forth the hammers.

And you think you will progress by reflecting their madness.

I let them go. I pay them no attention.

So they hate me because they cannot control me.

And they never know what to expect.

I flow with the river.

I twist and turn and free-fall over the rocky cliffs.

You think me crazy. But I see through the veneer.

I refuse to be trapped in the aquarium when

 there is a route to the ocean.

So what if there is danger! 

I laugh in the face of oppression.

So what! Uncertainty breeds in me no fear.

It is the adventure of the unknown I seek.

It is the liberty of my bliss that consumes me.

I will not be taken by social indifference.

I will not circum to the banal status quo.

Pondering

To hate someone is a form of love because you would not hate if you did not care.

To love someone is a form of hate because you hate the distance perceived there.

To long for love is to hate yourself because deprive self of the love that’s there.

To hate yourself is egotistical because you look within and choose not to share.

To withhold love is apathy because you lack compassion which longs to share.

To show compassion is sympathy because you show another you choose to care.

And if all this is not confusing enough, I’m also pondering some other stuff.

This Darkened World

It’s just the way of human nature

Making haste of nomenclature

Following our own behavior through this darkened world

Never knowing which is greater

Irreversible debater

Thinking self to be the savior of this darkened world

Falling further fraught with danger

Weariness will overtake her

From the threat of each endeavor in this darkened world

Where’s the love in the lust?

Is there life in the dust?

Will we leave it if we must or face the world?

Where’s the breath in the air?

Is there death everywhere?

Do or die, do we care; will we face the world?

Where’s the hope in the song?

Is there right to this wrong?

Will we hold out for long? Do we face the world?

Do we chase the world of bring light to the world?

To this darkened world

Good-bye

I used to lie awake at night just to watch you sleeping. I’d count each minute of every hour until our next meeting. And you would hold me and whisper you loved me, then you’d kiss me good-night. And I never thought we’d ever say good-bye.

Now I lie awake at night unable to sleep alone, and I count every minute of each endless hour as I try to get by on my own. And I remember all the loving words you’d speak to me as I turned out the light and how I never thought we’d ever say good-bye.

                                                                                                                             

So this is how it feels to be broken, for my whole world to be shattered apart. This is how it feels to be empty and holding onto what’s left of my heart. This is how it feels to be lost and alone with all of my dreams blown to the wind. Just when I thought my life had finally begun, it all suddenly came to an end. And now I know, now there are no tears left to cry, this is how it feels to say good-bye.

Gone Astray

Lost without love when love is lost

He finally hails to survey the cost

The dew is dry, the mend is torn

The sweet is sour, the jest is mourn

And so the nights become endless days

With days consumed with mindless haze

What does it matter anyway

When true love found has gone astray